Dear New Girl at the Gym,
You stand across from me in boot camp or on the treadmill next to me or a few bikes over in spin. I have never seen you before, but here you are. I can tell by the look on your face you are embarrassed. Embarrassed that you can’t do a pushup or don’t know how to adjust your bike or that you walk on the treadmill when the girl on the other side of you runs for a full hour at the speed of a cheetah. You look around and wonder what on earth you are doing here. You glance at me and I smile, but you look away pretending you didn’t see, because that would mean I noticed you. Maybe you are discouraged. Maybe you tell yourself this was a huge mistake and you’re going to ask for your money back. Maybe you wonder if I’m judging you.
I am not.
I want you to know how proud I am of you. You see, even though it might not seem like it, none of us are judging you. Why? Because so many of us were just like you. We know what it is like. We know how hard it is, especially in the beginning. Really we do. Maybe you woke up one day weighing forty pounds more than you did five years ago. I have been there. Maybe you stepped on the scale at the doctor’s office, had the nurse cluck her tongue, and then had the doctor say something like, “Now let’s talk about your weight.” I have been there. Maybe you recently had a baby, and you wonder if there will ever be a time when you don’t have to tuck your stomach into your pants. I have been there. Maybe you get half way through the warm up in a group fitness class and wonder if you are this out of breath now, is a full hour going to kill you? I have been there. Maybe money and time are tight and the idea of spending $30-$70 a month and an hour a day on yourself feels awfully selfish. I have been there. So many of us have.
You see us running or biking or lifting weights, and may feel discouraged or that we are judging you. Please, please, PLEASE know that we are not, because so many of us have been in your same shoes. You see us for what we are now, but many of us started out just like you, on a journey to find our best selves.
Please come back. I know it is hard, but it will get better, I promise.
And then you will wake up one day and wonder when you became that person. You know that person who can jog a few miles or do a whole spin class or even do boot camp without being sore the next day. And you will be the one, standing across the room, smiling at the new girl hoping she knows how lovely and wonderful and brave she is. Hoping she knows she is worth all the work. Because you are. You are so worth it. You deserve to be your healthiest self.
Now there might come a time and a place where someone will judge you, even someone at the gym. Maybe they make rude comments or give you that look. Maybe they have never known what it feels like to struggle with their weight. Maybe they have low self-esteem. Maybe they have never eaten an entire pan of brownies by themselves (I have) or an entire bag of Halloween candy before a single trick or treater came to their door (I have). Maybe they forgot what it was like to be the new girl. Please, don’t waste your time on them. You are on a journey to be your best self, and they don’t belong on your journey. Find people and a place where you can begin where you are.
Come back. You are so worth it.
Dear New Girl at the Gym has been a popular post, and I don’t mind having it shared as long as my website is linked back on online articles and my name and website is referenced when printed.
You might also like- Our Future is Our Choice -My response to those who would tear us down.
I love this.
I remember feeling like everyone around me was watching me, judging me. Oh wait, that was this morning in my yoga class.
It’s funny. We all think people are watching us, judging us, no matter what stage “gymer” we are. But never before have I looked at someone working out and judge them. Never before have I thought, “Man you are out of shape, you probably should just leave now.” But how sad it is that we feel that people think that sometimes.
But thank you for reminding me to smile more. Because sometimes, it’s easy to give off the wrong impression. ]
You always inspire me Kris. It’s taken a while, but I am forcing myself to lift weights because of you.
In yoga, we leave judgements at the door. No one is judging you, I promise. Mostly because if we get that “judgey” feeling, it tends to focus inward and we judge ourselves (which isn’t ok either) Namaste!
Not sure if I’m commenting in the right spot! Anyway…here goes! I’ve HEARD people and SEEN people comment about me my ENTIRE life when going to the gym. When I achieved a black belt in karate I even had people comment (yes older and younger) that they were SO surprised that I was so flexible as women who ‘look like me’ mostly aren’t. I recently joined a gym. There were two areas – women’s only and general. While waiting to meet with an instructor for my free one-on-one as a new member, I was in the general area using the treadmill. The ‘instructor’ found me and said that she was sure I’d feel more ‘at ease’ in the women’s only area and led me away. She made sure to talk about my weight – NOT something I said I wanted to talk about or indicated that I even WANTED to lose weight. She asked me what I ate. After I told her, she pretty much called me a liar as it was impossible – as she put it, to NOT lose weight if I didn’t eat junk food, fried food, low carbs, high protein, organic, non-GMO, etc. AND walk/workout several times per week. This was the tip of the iceberg. I have recently left that gym – they were surprised to hear my reasons and I’m sure think that the ‘fat woman’ is exaggerating her claims and has a chip on her shoulder. My new gym just feels better. No one has asked about my weight. No one has asked me if I need nutritional counseling. Since that is off the table, I NOW feel comfortable asking if anyone knows a good endocrinologist and osteopath.
Back to the article! It was GREAT! It actually made me cry as one who has experienced ‘fat shaming’ at the gym. A woman (or man at times) who walks into a gym in which ALL people she/he sees are very fit, etc. is intimidated and realizes that she/he does NOT fit in. It does NOT make us want to be ‘like everyone else’ and does NOT motivate us to lose weight. I hope people in the fitness industry could hear what I have said and realize that while they MAY have good intentions, their prejudices against and misunderstanding of overweight people turns us off to the help they offer.
I just wanted to say as one of the “fit people” at the gym I’m still extremely self conscious of how i look so im definitely not judging anyone else!
I definitely can relate. I was also a larger, not fit looking group fitness/yoga instructor during my graduate school years. People always acted shocked to see what my body could do and I realized then and there that I should never judge a book by it’s cover. That it is the disease of our society to think that everyone should have or strive to obtain one type of body or that fitness looks like fitness models and not the wide range of body types of athletes worldwide. More and more scientific data and studies show that having extra fat on you may actually be good for surviving any sudden illness and overweight people have a higher life expectancy than some people at a normal BMI (if you would like a reference, let me know and I can post it). If people keep to themselves and just eat healthy (neither over or under-eat and eat more plants) and move their bodies in one way or another everyday (without over-training) then we would all be in pretty good shape. I would love for the shift from focusing on what a body looks to what a body is capable and appreciating it for the way it is to happen. I know this is likely to not happen because diet and fitness company’s make millions off of people’s insecurities to get an unattainable standard. In the end, be kind to each other and keep your eyes on your own plate/treadmill/mat/etc.
Kristen, I ditto your remarks. I’ve heard Dr. Phil say that we wouldn’t worry about what people are thinking about us if we realized how much they didn’t. I’ve been in numerous situations where I felt everyone was watching me & thinking about me. Wrong!
I so appreciate the letter to the new girl at the gym. Very thought provoking.
I love this for so many reasons! I can’t work out at a gym. I would love to take Yoga or spin, but I can’t. This is the exact reason I have to work out in the privacy of my own home. Or run on the road where people can’t tell how fast (or slow) I am because they are driving past me, not running beside me. Even when I do get myself to a group workout class, I have to position myself in the back so no one is watching me. I love this post!
I’m glad you like it Millie! I think you are fabulous.
I can’t even do jumping jacks at home without holding my body in places I never before thought would move the way they do. I’m pretty sure my arms don’t reach up to the top at the same time and I can hear my knees crack and feel my legs wobble on the first jump. There is no way I could go to a gym. I never thought about jogging alongside a road where people will only see perhaps one or two steps. I am now looking forward to this slush and salt disappearing so I can go give that a try. Thank you for sharing your story. It may mean I will finally take my first workout steps.
Cheryl,
Please keep trying. I know it is hard. I am proud that you are trying and doing it for you. I have found that most people who drive by are envious that you are out there walking/running and not them. Just take it gradually by starting a walk/run so you don’t get hurt and become discouraged (Runner’s World has a great program for new runners). When you are consistent, make sure you get a good sports bra and shoes. I had horrible shin splints until I found the right pair of shoes (you may have to try a few pair before finding the right ones – go to a specialty running store).
Love and thank you! I’ve been in all of those spots, from being over 60 pounds heavier a year ago, to now the skinny girl who could (NEVER been even close to skinny before!!!) to now the skinny girl who looks like she should be doing great but can’t because I’m now overcoming a few frustrating, stupid, piss-me-off, discouraging injuries. UGH!!! So much work this last year, and now after all the relative rest (still strengthening!) I feel like I’m going to end up starting over with my running! All the negative feelings about being injured are fresh so this was much appreciated and I know will be by many I’m sharing with on Facebook. Thanks again!
Thanks Laurie. I got pneumonia last year and couldn’t work out for several months and it was so frustrating. I feel like I am just now getting back to where I was. Sixty pounds? That is so amazing and inspiring! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences!
Hi Erica,
My friend posted this on her Facebook and having just begun my own weight loss journey, felt compelled to read it. I was in tears, in grocery store, no less. Thank you for such a beautiful post! I just started going to a gym that passionately commits to a ‘judgement-free zone’ and yet, it’s so easy to lose hope and feel judgement even when the focus is seemingly on each persons ‘personal journey’. Getting fit is such a intimately personal experience to many, but yet often times provides no privacy. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for this beautiful crafted love letter. I shared it with several friends and hope it provides them with the same encouragement.
Hi Christae,
Congratulations on your new journey! I am so glad you have found a place where people realize judging and shaming are never effective. Thank so so much for your kind words. You are already stronger than you have ever thought possible.
Love this!
This is awesome!! You should print this & put it in unsuspecting newbies’ lockers
HAHA!
Can I Have Permission To Print And Share This?
Hi there Chris,
Print and share it where?
Chris I feel the same way. I would love to print this and pass it out in my group fitness classes I teach. Four years ago I was the “new girl”. I hated the gym and felt so insecure even stepping inside the doors. Fast forward to now where I TEACH group fitness classes. Anything from Zumba and kickboxing to barre and rowing. As this new year has begun I would love to have everyone read this!
Dear Erica, Thank you so much for this lovely blog. It is so true. I own a small women’s only fitness center and we try hard to make everyone feel comfortable but I know how hard it is. Sometimes a small place like my studio feels too intimate because there isn’t any anonymity….but in the end it is the intimacy that helps the person succeed. Thanks so much for this and I have shared it with my colleagues and members.
Thank you for your kind words Patti. Before I moved to Montana, I went to a small women’s only gym and I LOVED it. It was fabulous having such a loving community of women. Thank you so much for sharing.
A friend of mine sent me this link today. It rings so true with me. I had a terrible experience at the gym on Friday and vowed never to return. Having lost 120 pounds, I thought I would feel comfortable trying something new. I wasn’t. Intellectually, I knew people weren’t judging me or even staring at me, but emotionally I felt like the world was laughing at me as I tried riding a different kind of stationary bike than what I was used to. I felt like the world was laughing as I had to readjust the seat 3 times and eventually change bikes because it wasn’t working. I could hear the world laughing. I could hear them say, “What is SHE doing here?” “She doesn’t know what she’s doing!” “She’s so fat! Do you see her thighs?” Again, I know people were not thinking these things or saying them at all, but I couldn’t quiet those terrible things in my head.
Your letter gives me hope…it makes me want to quiet those voices in my head enough to try it again.
I will go back, and I will get on that bike again…no matter how many times I have to adjust it.
Thank you!
Keri
Wow Keri! A hundred and twenty pounds? That is phenomenal! I know how hard it is to quiet our own voice that tells us we are not good enough, but that voice is totally a liar! We are all amazing and strong. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. By the way, I am a long time gym goer, and I still have to adjust my bike 2-5 times each time I go, so don’t worry about that. Even those hard core bikers had to start somewhere once. Thanks again!
Keri, but the thing is, you know in your heart that they ARE thinking those things! Because not only have they thought them, they have said them. Sometimes directly to you, or in your vicinity so that you can hear. You have walked into the locker room and heard the giggles. There may be that lone supportive person out there, but the vast majority believe that we, as overweight out of shape people, don’t belong there.
I whole – heartedly disagree with this statement. I’ve been active my entire life and have gone to the gym for years. I started going to group fitness classes only after I gained 45 pounds while pregnant with my daughter. I was the new girl and I only convinced myself to go because I knew a person who also went to the class. I felt all of the awkward feelings Erica described in this article. That was 3 years ago and now I am the thin girl kicking ass and doing all of the modifications to make the moves harder. I make sure to tell all of the new girls how great they are doing and to please come back because it WILL get easier. I have also felt nervous that these same women think that I AM judging them. I so badly want to tell them that they’ve already conquered the most difficult part of the process by jumping out of their comfort zone and making it to the class and that they are already stronger than they were the day before. I am not the exception to the rule at the gym that I attend. All of the people who go there are so supportive and welcoming and just love that people are there trying to take control of their health. I’m sorry that you feel this way, but know that not all people are thinking and judging in the way that you describe.
KayCee…… This is a support blog, which a lot of people need. Please remember the old saying: “If you have nothing nice to say: Don’t comment!” My Favorite word that I use when asked a stupid question or someone makes a stupid comment is: “D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F!” It gets me though bad situations, and mostly I say it though my mind so the stupid person doesn’t know what I’m thinking. You can even look it up on the internet (as a song),…It means: “Doe’s It Look Like I Give A Flip!” <Nice version of the word. I have had three children and reached the weight of 169* Yes they are older now, but my eating habits w/ smoking (in the past) have put me @ a disadvantage. I'm going to start out with "Yoga" video's and then work my way to the Base gym @ least 3 days a week with my husband. I'd like to get down to @ least 135lbs by Oct 16, 2014. Right now I'm @ 162lbs I have a Class reunion I am going to then. I haven't seen anyone from that school since 1977. Everyone should have a goal to work for and no-one should put another down! Keep up the "Great Work" and lift those spirits because: "Your doing this for You!"
I weigh the same as you, graduated in ’77’ and my name is Carol! Maybe I can get with the program and actually try going to a gym. You give me hope!
Excellent piece! I was that new girl and now I’m the cheetah (well, more of a for house cat but you get the picture). And sometimes when I’ve gained a few or I’m having an off week, I feel like that girl again. We as women need to lift each other up and not judge each other right out of the gym.
I totally agree Beth! Everything works much better if we lift instead of tear each other down. I love watching people transform from the new girl to the cheetah
.
Wow…this is just lovely! I am two months in to working out a gym for the first time in my life…I am 39! I struggle so much with what you are talking about. BUT then I get to have an appt with a PT and he does my measurements and weight and when it comes down that I have lost 19lbs and 19.5 inches (over my entire body)…I realize that THIS IS WORKING. So I need to STOP the fat talk in my head…stop the “you can’t do it” and change my thinking! Going to the gym is so much about what is going on in my head! Thank you…thank you!
Blessings, Carmen
You really can do it! Congrats!
Thank you!, It’s simple but to the point! THANK YOU!
From that New Girl!
Thank you very much!
Thank you. On behalf of all the “new girls” thank you. This post made me tear up. I am so glad that someone wrote this out so eloquently, and honestly. I have been on a health journey, and have since dropped 85 pounds. Marathons, healthy eating, and honoring myself made goals happen. Transformation in body and heart do happen. We have to BELIEVE! “New girls” I have a treadmill next to me with your name on it….I am the girl smiling at you!
I am so happy when I hear people’s success stories. That is totally amazing!
THIS SHOULD BE PUBLISHED AT EVERY GYM!
Best, most inspiring workout words I’ve ever seen – thank you 😀
[…] posted this on facebook and I wanted to share. I hope it's allowed? Really nice blog post. http://ericamillard.com/?p=1566 […]
Sure! That sounds great. Thanks for stopping by.
Perfectly said! The stigma of being a newbie at the gym can be intimating, especially for women. Together we can achieve goals and find our inner strength. You did a beautiful job of delivering compassion and empathy. Loved it!
Thank you very much! Women have such an opportunity to lift each other. Thanks for stopping by.
Being the new guy in a crossfit class and being out-lifted by most of the women ‘regulars’ is no fun either. Talk about feeling inadequate.
I’ve always felt a bit jealous of my wife because she can jump into new things like this and everyone is ok with whatever her “starting point” is. I don’t feel that same level of acceptance.
I was the new “old guy”at 54 talk about intimidated. My Crossfit journey started last April with a 3 week introductory class. Highly recommend this approach. Take this for what it’s worth. Do what you can do scale the movements to your ability. Yes it’s hard, yes other athletes are more advanced but you have to push past the can’t do it attitude.
Your Crossfit affiliate should be staffed by competent compassionate coaches that will help you achieve your goals. There should be nothing but a supportive atmosphere at your gym or box, if not keep looking for the right fit.
I continue to improve, have lost weight, getting stronger every month. I use all of the athletes that outperform me as inspiration that I can get there someday. Keep a smile on your face and don’t look back.
I love this. I shared it on Facebook because I too have been at this point in my workout career. In fact, I still feel that way from time to time
I also was reading through the comments and saw that you are living in Montana. I am from Helena 
Small world!
I love Montana, but I wouldn’t mind it a few degrees higher right now.
I think I wrote this as a reminder in part cause I was feeling every bit the new girl. I think we all do every once in a while.
Erica, I live in Missoula! Great piece by the way !
Nice sentiment but it is wrong! They are judging, especially those 20 something’s who don’t even need to go to the gym but are there just to show off how perfect they are!!
On behalf of us 20 somethings, I have a question. What determines whether or not someone needs to go to the gym? I’m not overweight but I am trying to be as healthy as I can be now so good habits can carry through the rest of my life. I can honestly stay I’ve never looked at anyone who finds the motivation to go to the gym and wants to be their best person in a negative light. I thought everyone at the gym had that same attitude towards me too but I guess not. Guess I’m just showing off.
I agree. It’s not just the 20-somethings … it’s the staff, it’s the coordinated, and anyone who does not want to see me there because of my size, my lack of talent and my obvious pain.
KayCee and kittyblue: As someone who has been BOTH the skinny, college age girl who makes it look easy, and now the overweight, out of shape woman… this just simply isn’t true! The fact of the matter is: we’re all selfish. We’re all focused inward, thinking about what WE can and can’t do and how WE look, that we don’t think about anyone else. And this is ESPECIALLY true for those young girls who you think are judging you. Now, I look at women who have it together and think, “I want to be her! I’m going to keep working until I look that way.” And the women who are more like me? I see them, and all I think is what Erica said: “Good for you!” And KayCee… the staff all want you there, they want your money lol. As for everyone else? They’re all thinking about themselves.
Completely agree! Let me give you gals (and all others who feel that people are constantly judging you) some advice: “the world does not revolve around you.” This is meant to be true eye – opening advice, advice I once received when I was suffering at the height of my social anxiety. You are simply not on the minds of all of the people that surround you. People are there for themselves and their own agenda. Not to sit in a locker room and snicker about people at the gym. If you truly feel that way about where you attend, might I suggest a new gym? One that makes you feel welcomed and comfortable? I imagine that a more positive atmosphere would do you some good, and maybe a little less cynical of a an uplifting article and the women who are responding positively to it.
I was always told as a kid: “Look @ the Body of your soul, and your body will always please you!” “So, ….I never look in mirrors!” LOL! Just trying to keep spirits high. By the way; I’m 56 years old and I love going to the gym, My body is mine and who cares what others think! “I”M Pleased!”
Yours truly: Carol G.
I’m 22 years old, 110 lbs, and look like I’m in great shape. But I’m not. I don’t go to the gym, even though I want to be in better shape, because people judge me for getting out of breath after 5 minutes on the treadmill at a slow jog or barely being able to do one pushup. There’s a judgment that comes from people who don’t think I NEED to be at the gym that keeps me away. Just remember it goes both ways, and it doesn’t feel good to be judged either way.
Thank you. This makes all the difference.
Thanks Becky!
This absolutely, heart-wrenchingly beautiful. I feel like I could have written it myself. Maybe because I HAVE been there, both as the reader and the author. Well done. Visit me on Facebook at Mama Gone Strong. I will definitely be sharing this to my audience there who I know, without a doubt, will appreciate it as much as I do.
Thanks Coty. I will check it out.
This is very lovely and not everyone would have thought like you. However it makes me wonder why didn’t you just reach out and give her your support? Instead of watching her struggle, come over and introduce yourself and tell her your experience as you so eloquently penned here. She may still be there today if she felt like she wasn’t alone. Sometimes failure to act is just as hurtful as blatant judgement. Not trying to be a jerk .. Just wondering if you could relate and empathize… What held you back from making a connection? It takes a good person to feel for a person’s struggle. It takes a great person to make a difference.
The girl in the story is hypothetical. We have all seen “her” and been “her”, sometimes more than once. Erica is using the “girl” to make her point.
This is amazing!?! You inspire me and so many others. My girlfriend is the new girl, and she needed this.
Thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing it with with your girl friend. I hope she knows she is totally worth it!
Your words are beautifully written. I disagree with the above comments. By writing this, you are reaching “new girls at the gym” all over the world! You are making a huge difference by posting this! You are a great person!
Thank you Erin and thank you for being such an positive influence. I really appreciate that.
I love this post.. I loved going to jazzercise and lost 80pounds. For many reasons I gained it all back and look at my bank account every month and see my money come out but have not had the courage to return due to embarrassment. I wish I could get over it.
Hi Rose,
As I see it you are at a cross roads and have three options~
1- Do nothing. This is the path you are on right now, and if you don’t change anything you will stay on this path. in my opinion this is your to worst option.
2- Cancel your Jazzercise membership. Slightly better option. I know it make seem strange that I am telling you this, but I think canceling and no longer feeling the guilt of wasting money is better than having the guilt.
3-(And best option)- Go back to Jazzersize. You are no the first woman who has lost weight and then gained it back. Please don’t let how you think people view you dictate your actions. All that is in the past. You can’t change it now. All you can do is change what you do in the future. If you decide you don’t like Jazzersize, find somewhere else. But find somewhere. You deserve to be happy and healthy.
Rose,
Erica nailed it, but I want to add on to her #3 response.
As a new Jazzercise Instructor and former class manager, I want you to know that somebody at that center has been wondering where you’ve been, if you’re okay, and they miss you. When I don’t see a student in awhile, I’ll send a postcard to let them know that I was thinking of them, and hope all is well.
Things happen (been there), and when the weight comes back on (been there too) it can be embarrassing. You had great success there, and even though it might be hard to go back, just remember that you’re doing this for you. Don’t let the maybes & worries stop you. Think of how strong you’ll be when you’re back on the path to feeling better again.
I joined Jazzercise on February 3, 2011. — just had my 3 year Jazzer-versary. I pushed myself in, with all the voices in my head screaming negativity at me. But I fell in love almost instantly, and I was hooked, which made it easier to go back. I kicked 70 pounds to the curb, and now teach. I keep my “before” pix in a box at the center, and will pull them out when someone can’t believe that I was that heavy.
I was that girl. It is painful. Try to go back and see what happens. Maybe someone has been wondering about you, too. I’d encourage you to give it a try.
And if it doesn’t work out there, go to a different center. You should be able to transfer, but visit first to see how you like it. 😉
The best of luck and many good wishes, Rose!!!!
~~~ Lynn
This is the perfect post. I have signed up for personal training for about 3 different reasons. My appointments are early in the morning at either 6:30 or 7am. I usually get up so much earlier because I’m nervous about the whole thing (it is embarrassing running out of breath every 2 seconds, and having to take multiple adjustments to get to an exercise that I can actually do). So then, I stay in bed, frightened – and get there TEN mins late after having been up for OVER AN HOUR OR TWO! As I drove home this morning, I realized I felt guilty for taking so much for myself – time, money, audacity to care about myself. And then I read this & starting to feel that maybe it is right, and I do deserve it, and it’s not indulging. Ill thank you by doing it all over again next week.
I am so glad you will do it again! I think one of the hardest things as women is taking a little time for ourselves, but it is essential. It is hard to do all the things we need to if we aren’t healthy.
Thank you so much. I love this! I am 55 years old and getting heavier and slower every year, and recently decided I had enough. I have a brand new grandson I want to take care of and keep up with! I joined a weight loss challenge even though I have no idea what some of the things are that they talk about. TDEE BMR?? Even so they have been supportive and I am almost ready to join the local gym. It has been less then a week ,but what I am doing at home is either not enough, or too high impact, and I know I need help. Joining the gym though is a big step both financially and emotionally. I tried a walk my first day and had to stop 3 times in 4 blocks to catch my breath! I am not sure what I can even manage there, but now I think I will try! Thanks!
A friend shared this with me on Facebook. I have been working out at the gym since November, but your article spoke to me in so many ways. Thank you!
I’m so glad. Thanks for stopping by!
Erica,
This is so beautifully written and conveys the message we work to share with our female health seekers within the YMCA movement! I am contacting you to see if this could be printed and posted throughout our 12 YMCA’s in Central Ohio. If allowed we would share with you how it would be used and of course make sure you are credited with the text as well as add your blog address.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Sure, you can definitely print it and post it at the Y, just make sure to credit me. Thanks for stopping by!
Awesome, thank you and we will be sure to credit you!
Could I share this at my weight watchers meeting?
Sure thing.
Wow I could not have read this at a more perfect time. I had my first baby 6 months ago and because of some physical restrictions, could not work out for the last half of my pregnancy and am dealing with injuries now and struggling to get back into a routine. I still need to lose a good 20-25 pounds and find myself incredibly insecure at the gym, as I have never been in this position. This post has inspired me, thank you!!
After having a baby is hard. Ahhhh, where did all that lose skin come from? I’m so glad it helped. Before you know if you will be a gym ninja.
Erica, do you get it now? If Stephanie is uncomfortable with only 25 pounds to lose, how do you think those of use with 125 pounds or more to lose feel? Stephanie’s focus should be her beautiful baby, not worrying about what the world thinks because she thinks she has 25 pounds to lose.
This world is so screwed up!! When did it become okay to make people feel like their life has no value because of a number on a scale? Maybe one day, those of us who do not meet society’s screwed up value of what is “beautiful” will be seen for what we are …. people. And we are people who have value! But until then, we know that we are not welcome and we don’t belong. We don’t belong in your gyms, and for some, we don’t even belong in your world.
I have read a few of your comments. And either you are looking for someone to jump all over you and argue back, or you did not read this article all the way through, but her article is not about numbers or enforcing impossible body standards. Erica is simply saying she gets how hard it can be to be new and feel like you don’t know what you are doing, and feeling that people are judging you for that. And she is encouraging people to stick to their health and fitness goals for themselves, not for others or despite others’ opinion. Nothing in Erica’s blog is about societal expectations and beauty or excluding people. And if Stephanie wants to lose weight after her baby she has every right to do so. And if you don’t the same goes for you. But why do you keep saying anyone here in this very supportive and loving group is making anyone feel “like they have no value other than a number on a scale?” If you are uncomfortable about your gym experience I am truly sorry. I have felt that way before at a gym, but my health was more important to me than my discomfort.
I don’t know who you are but you made me cry. Your post could of been written about me. Menopause has wrecked havoc on my weight for the last few years and going from a 8 to 14 has been hard to deal with. I’ve been afraid to go to the local gym because I didn’t want anyone who knew me to see me there. I think I will give it a try now. Thank you for the words of encouragement. Cheryl
Hi Cheryl, don’t be afraid. Feeling good and being healthy is really what matters, and hey maybe you will find a workout buddy there.
This made my day. Thank you. I am reinspired. 😉
Erica,
A friend of mine published this on facebook. I had to respond because I have felt like this since December 26, 2013 when I started working out at Gold’s gym. A few days ago a man came up to me and said, “I want you to know I am proud of you for coming every day – You are an inspiration. Don’t give up”. He now says Hi to me everyday. Some might find it creepy but he comes with his son and he lifts weights so he can be healthy in his retirement years. I am moridbly obese. I have lost almost a 100 lbs in a year but I didn’t like going to the gym because I felt all of the feelings you expressed. This year for Christmas my husband gave me 24 sessions with a personal trainer. The greatest gift ever. This man changed how I feel at the gym. I have started smiling more and talking to others. Thanks for your amazing words. I will remember them when I let my fears get the best of me.
Your response brought tears to my eyes. I am so thrilled you are so well along in your fitness journey. And what a fabulous guy! Congratulations and keep up the good work!
About 6 months ago, I went to a Gold’s Gym to sign up … I was told that they didn’t think I would fit in with their usual clientele, that I should try to find somewhere else. I took the hint and left.
Kaycee, it is impossible for me to understand people with such small hearts. If this place is a gym, aren’t people supposed to be there to work out? I, for one, want to apologize for that persons rude comment. I am not associated with Gold’s Gym..and I don’t know why you would want to be. That just made me sad. I hope you can find a place that can see what an unbelievable person you are. Someone trying to make a difference in themselves. I, to, am a large woman and I struggle everyday trying to lose weight, good luck to you. Know that there are people with heart.
You are amazing!!! Wish there were more people out there with a beautiful heart like yours. Thank you for this, i know exactly who to send this to!
Thank you so much! I’m glad it can help.
I came to your article after a friend posted it on Facebook. I have to say it was spot on. I’ve been on both sides – I felt very good then when I can run 6 miles in 50 minutes and continue on with circuit training for another hour and won’t feel sore the next day. I am now on the ’embarrass’ side after a childbirth. I have gained 40 lbs than I was 5 years ago. I’m embarrass when I can only run for 30 second before gasping for air and holding on to the railing while the young person next to me is running at 6-7 speed non-stop for an hour.
Five years ago when I was one of the ‘hot’ chicks at the gym, I was like you. I love seeing new people and like to make eye contact with them – just to show that they’re welcome, that I’m proud of them for taking the first steps and that they can come to me if they need anything. But I don’t see that face anymore at my gym. They simply couldn’t care less about this chunky person. I find it somewhat discouraging – that I don’t belong there. Every time I go I was hoping I can find someone like you. And maybe this time I will make contact with a hope that I could find a gym buddy to keep me coming.
Hi Rose,
Having a baby is SO HARD, especially when you see all those rock hard abs girls on the internet days after giving birth. But I figure they can’t be real, and they are actually robots.
You have to start where you are. I wish there was another way, but I know you can get back to cheetah speed. Yes, it might take a while (cause it did for me, although I still run at the speed of turtle), but you can. Finding a friend is hard, but maybe you can ask a non gym friend to start the journey with you.
You belong there more then ever! You say that smiling face of acceptance doesn’t exist there…it does, it’s yours. It may stink that you may have to pull through this without a smiling face looking back at you. But YOU’RE the smiling face. Someone is needing yours…be what that gym doesn’t have. You came across this beautiful post like all of us and were lifted up. But at that point it should change who we are. Change our role. While on our journey to thrive, remember we’ve now advanced from the starting point “new girl”. While finding our own strength you can do it by helping others or leading by example. That is strengthening. Be determined to not only better yourself but others too. Be the change in that gym you wish to see.
Thank you, I’m sitting here at 279 lbs thinking how do I find the energy to lose this blubber. I used to be in the Army and still when I got out I worked out, as you know that fell off hard body. I’m going to get up and start moving after I stop crying. Thank you for sharing this it has touched me deeply.
Thank you LaVerne. Everyone has to start somewhere, and the great thing is you can start where you are. Good Luck!
What gym do you go to so I can join that one?
I will be the first to admit that I am totally out of shape, but the last time I went to a gym, I not only *THOUGHT* that people were judging me – one of the perfect bouncy “Gym Bunnies” specifically tell me to my face that I was too fat to be seen in public, while her friends just laughed. It is a most amazingly appalling feeling to be laughed at while trying to better yourself & your health. I haven’t been back to a gym since.
I’m so sorry that happened to you! Some people suck. What a terrible thing it must be to be that girl, having to hurt others to feel good about herself. You can get rid of your demons at the gym. She’s stuck with hers. Keep the faith!
Thank you! I was that girl, too. I didn’t know how to turn on the machines or set them or anything. I could only lift 5 lbs. I felt like such a wimp. This should be posted in the women’s locker room at every gym!
Another thing the fat girl wonders? What to wear if you go to a gym. On TV you see the girls in outfits that look like bathing suits. I’ll never forget I went on that assumption when I was in college, barely any money at all, spent it all on this cute (I thought) little exercise outfit, and everyone else showed up in t-shirt and baggy shorts. Talk about hiding in the back. Ended up dropping the class due to both illness (fortuitous) and humiliation. And now, in my 40s, 70 pounds overweight, what to wear. Baggy sweats? Yoga pants with the little built-in skirt?
You’re right. Beginning is hard. But since my daughter has an unexercised, unsocialized German Shepherd pup, I’ll just walk the neighborhood with him to help him AND me. I think I’d rather be in a gym, I really hate weather.
Thank you. I’m that girl now. Not 40 pounds extra, but 140. I cringe every time I walk into or out of the gym and am constantly in fear of people behind me making fun of me.
This was really touching.
I posted this on the YMCA of Greater Grand Rapids facebook page this morning; many positive compliments. Thank you so much; it really sums up how (new) member feel/felt.
I have been there, too!! And it is scary but it is more scary to do nothing and be unhealthy. So–keep coming. Smile back at someone and you’ll make a friend!!
This is really lovely
Thanks for sharing some encouragement.
I seen this posted on FB and I agree, it is beautiful. Thank you for the inspiration, as I am trying to force myself to go to the gym. I have been paying for my gym membership for years and have not been going. I work two jobs (60-80 hrs a week), go to school and have 12-24 hours of clinicals to do a week. When I could make the time, I would find myself being to nervous to go. I just started going again this week and even though it is a place that “discourages judgment” you feel awful getting up there. I am very strong due to my job (EMS) but have a lot of weight to lose. Thank you again for the inspiration, I will try to have a different attitude today in the gym.
I’ve been that new girl many times at the gym, and, after suffering some health problems, I’m dreading being that girl again one day very soon. I’ve also been the super-fit girl, looking around at people not to judge, but to get ideas for my own workout plans or to see if my form is right. The gym is a seen and be seen atmosphere and the looks you get and give are so misleading. I do my best, and hope that everyone I see feels comfortable enough to keep coming back to work on their health.
Thank you so much for a great reminder! I started my journey a year ago at 240 lbs and unable to run more than 10 seconds on the treadmill. I was insecure and intimidated. I always chose to go to the gym during off peak hours because of it. But I kept going. 10 seconds turned to a minute. A minute turned to 5 minutes and 5 minutes turned into a 5k then a 5k turned into 5 miles. Now at 86 lbs lighter (154lbs), I am training to do a 10k and in the best shape of my life. Keep going and forgive yourself when you mess up – just get back up again!
Oh, and lost 59 inches! Because of your read – I will be trying boot camp tonight. I have always been intimidated by that class but I hold head up high and will be a beast!
Awww, this is awesome! I remember being that girl 7 years ago and I’m so happy I continued to come back.
A beautiful post indeed!!
I think we have all felt that way when joining a new gym, but it’s just so different at LLB. I felt the positive vibe as soon as I walked through the door from the friendly smiling staff who makes it a point to know your name to the warm & inviting surroundings that makes it feel a little like home. And it’s quick to see that the positive attitude is contagious when you notice that most everyone will smile when you pass & it’s as if were all spreading a little sunshine even on the dreariest of days! It is great to take notice of a new comer that appears uncomfortable & throw them a word of encouragement when you see them sweating or struggling – I think everyone agrees it definitely helps!!
This is a wonderful piece.
It is the antithesis of a recent article regarding a simialar topic. Have you seen it?
http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/it-happened-to-me-there-are-no-black-people-in-my-yoga-classes-and-im-uncomfortable-with-it
And here was a beautifully written rebuttal to that article:
http://www.xojane.com/issues/it-happened-to-me-i-read-an-essay-about-a-white-womans-yoga-class-black-woman-crisis-and-i-cannot
Amazing – I started out feeling just like that. I still can’t believe that I can do a whole Zumba class now and with weights. It amazes me everytime I walk/jog and I feel so much better. I am still on my journey and I will stay on it, I still feel like people are watching sometimes, and I still feel like a fool sometimes. But then I finish and I know I have accomplished something. The feeling of accomplishments are more frequent now then the insecurities, and I know eventually they will go away. I am just now starting to feel proud of myself and feel like I am making a transformation. I am glad you posted this, it is nice to hear. I will think of this more now than of the other negative thoughts that are going through my head when one of those moments come along again.
This is an excellent blog, very inspiring.. It was the push I needed to finally go and be the “new girl” . God bless you.
This is a really nice post and so very encouraging.
Terrific post, I will be sharing. I have been the new girl, and am now can’t believe what I am capable of, how strong I have become. I always try to make new people feel welcome, thanks for the reminder to continue.
I have been both. I grew up being that thin, healthy, in shape person. Four children, two nasty car accidents (neither my fault), and list of medical issues that I’m sure have bought several new cars for my doctors and 25 years later, I am 90 pounds from my goal weight. I have a very difficult time losing weight to begin with between hormone changes from early menopause and not having a thyroid any Ionger, but I have decided to make 2014 the year I succeed in my journey. I will be 50 at the end of this year and have decided that it is time to take my life back. I am fortune to be at least familiar with the gym equipment, but seeing all these people in good shape running while I struggle with walking somedays and lifting or pushing weights that I could only dream of at this point can be a blessing and a curse. There is no eye contact, everyone is focused on their own journey. Sometimes I feel very out of place, but it gets a little easier and a little more comfortable every time I go.
This was amazing. I’m so embarrassed when I go to the gym. I have MS, so I have to hold the handles of the treadmill so tight so I don’t trip over my crazy self. I look like a drunk person when I tip over in yoga, or stumble at Zumba. I have to keep moving, keep active or I fear I will loss my mobility all together. I feel that I’m still mobile because of my mind over matter and faith. But the gym is embarrssing to me. THANK YOU, this was AMAZING!
Thanks so much for this. Reminds me to smile and encourage. I was once that embarrassed person who couldn’t figure out how to work the treadmill,
I wish this were true. I am considered “morbidly obese” and I have joined gyms, Curves, walking groups …. you name it, I’ve tried it. And I am not stupid. I see the looks, I hear the snickers and the laughter, I see the pointing. I can’t ever do that to myself again. I don’t have the strength to endure the condemnation any more. So I will stay the way I am and I will quit trying to be what the world expects of me. My life will never have value because fat people don’t matter, but I can’t put myself in the line of fire again.
I’m 140 pounds lighter than I was two years ago. And I go to a gym that’s bad ass. And if someone’s snickering I’m not hearing them (and they’re not). And who cares if they do? That’s their problem, not yours. Don’t let ignorant people hold you back. You’re not a victim unless you choose to be. Be brave – you can do it if you want to. And I speak someone who was morbidly obese – and I still have 40 pounds to go, so I ain’t skinny. Don’t let the haters win. Please…
“Don’t let people live rent free in your head!” Why waste so much of your time stressing over what you THINK people are saying/thinking of you? Newsflash. They aren’t.
Thanks, I needed to read this, because to be honest, I don’t ever think about anyone else in the gym while I am working out. I’ve been training for 24 years so I am pretty much there for myself. I never once think how the new people feel because up until this point I never really cared. I think I might start being more vocal and encouraging because there are people out there that need it.
Wowww…this article describes my fears to a tee. Thank you so much for sharing this. It is truly inspiring!!
The one thing everyone at the gym respects is hard work.
Unfortunately, that is not true. Every gym I have ever been to is a “health nazi” club. I work my arse off, and it is never good enough. If you are thin and can bench a thousand pounds, then you are in the club. If you don’t fit that model of “perfection” then you are ridiculed and ostracized. I get, I am not good enough. An alcoholic has a disease, but someone who eats too much is lazy and beyond help.
Beautiful! Almost makes me to join a gym. For now I’ll stick with my smaller, women run facilities and do Pilates and NIA.
* want to join a gym.
I’m not the new girl at the gym, but I was 18 months ago, when I weighed 80 pounds more than I do right now. I had been a member of an all-female club and it just was a giant gossip fest at classes. So I dumped them and joined a gym where triathletes train. What was I doing there? What I was doing there was sweating and working hard, and what I’ve discovered is that my gym and its members honor sweat not hot bods. That’s what I would tell newbies. I’m still not a triathlete and never plan to be, but I’ve become stronger and fitter there. Rock on newbies!
I have been that girl! I remember a colleague at work telling me she still remembers my first day at Bootcamp & that I couldn’t walk on the TM w/out being out of breath. By the end of that year I lost 70#, and now another yr had passed and I have completed sprint triathlons and hope to do a 100 mile bike ride along with other goals! Now I am the one that other people say “I want to look like you” and I still think of the “me” from just 2 yrs ago. Be friendly at the gym, as you never know if you will be the reason someone stays and changes their entire life!
Thanks for the wonderful write up!
Erica this is FANTASTIC!!!! You should copyright this, and market to gyms, personal trainers, doctors, etc… so they can distribute as part of welcome packages, etc.. Also, someone mentioned in their response that it applies to new employees, new kids in school, etc… that could be a part of their welcome, or orientation packets with a few verbiage changes as they apply to their situations.
I so needed to read this today. Thank you
I loved this post until I got to the “Maybe they’ve been a size two their whole lives.”… Like someone who wears a size two has no challenges of their own? That life is just so much easier? Sorry–I’m THAT girl who has been a size 2 her whole life outside of pregnancy, and I would NEVER EVER judge another woman who is struggling with the challenges of early-stage fitness. In fact, I can’t even say that I have ever met a fellow same-pant-sized woman who has ever made a judgement against someone larger or in a different stage of fitness–and I’ve been around the fitness circuit for a while. Please don’t assume that just because someone is naturally thin that they’re judgmental of others. It turns your lovely post into what you’re arguing against–judgement.
And on that note, thank you for removing the reference. I love this post for all of the necessary encouragement and support it offers to women who want to make positive changes in their lives and find those first hours, days, and weeks really challenging. I love the message of “keep going.”
Kari, you personally, may think you feel that way, but the reality is that people who are size 2, whether they have been their entire life, or just recently got there, are very judgmental toward those of us who are not. The whole Pretty Woman “we have nothing for you” scene? I live that all the time … I was in Forever 21 before Christmas to purchase a gift for a dear young friend, and I was told, rather loudly, that they don’t carry clothes for fatties.
The world believes that small is beautiful, and people who are a size two perpetrate that standard.
KayCee,
I have been reading through all of the comments on this article, both of which are so inspiring, and everything you have to say is truly negative. You are accusing certain people of stereotyping you because you are overweight, yet in turn you are making accusations and stereotyping those same people. How does this lead to anything positive? And how do two wrongs ever make a right?
“The world believes that small is beautiful, and people who are a size two perpetrate that standard”. – How does someone who is a size 2 perpetuate that standard? Are all size 2 people magazine editors, models or casting agents? No they are not. Each and every person in this world is their own person and has their own values and beliefs, regardless of their size, and you cannot assume to know how they ALL think. So, no, not everyone who is a size 2 is judgmental of those who are not. And for the record I am not a size 2.
As someone who has struggled with depression her entire life and learned the hard way that your thoughts dictate your feelings… it seems to me that you are simply projecting all of your own negative thoughts and emotions onto others, and blaming them for the way you feel. While you may have encountered a few assholes along the way, at the end of the day YOU decide who you are and what your worth is. No one else can make you feel the way you do, only you can. You said “…but the thing is, you know in your heart that they ARE thinking those things!” They are NOT thinking those things, you ARE, and therein lies your problem. Which is the whole message of Erica’s post, we all feel like everyone is looking at us and judging us but no one is. In fact, Erica and most likely 99% of everyone else, are rooting for you to succeed. All of those negative thoughts and emotions we bring on ourselves, they are in our own heads. We think them, no one else does.
YES!
Absolutely inspiring. Thank you for the good read, the motivation and encouragement.
I don’t do “the gym,” but I’ve moved into a more challenging yoga class and have moments of feeling like a fool, even though I know everyone has to start somewhere…and hey, it’s yoga. We’re not supposed to be judging, right?
Loved this post and will be sharing it on FB.
Thank you.
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you.
Oh….and thank you.
OMG! This is awesome! I had to share – this is so important for everyone to remember. We were all there once! I always smile when I see those newbies at the gym because I know what they are feeling. I was that “that girl” that was always afraid to take a new class or try a new machine because I was afraid of what others were thinking. I was always self conscious of what I looked like when I was running, comparing myself to those faster, stronger, leaner runners. That is behind me. Now I embrace the gym and all of its challenges. I am proud of myself (and all the other runners out there) for just getting off the couch and putting our best foot forward, to become the best we can be.
This is me to a “T”– So well written and true– You have inspired me beyond– You are amazing!
[…] Facebook. Thought it was a really great read, especially for all of just starting a fitness plan! Dear new girl at the gym __________________ The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender. ~ Vincent T. Lombardi […]
I love this. I am not the new girl anymore. After nine months going to boot camp. I still get those new girl moments. But I love it and not giving up.
Thank you. If you don’t mind, I am going to print this out to share at our Zumba class. We try to be welcoming, and to show caring to new people who come to our class, to tell them we have the best instructor and the best group in the world…but I remember what it was like that first night, thinking “WTH am I doing here, I can’t dance!” and though I still forget my left from my right, I’m still there, loving every single healthy ME minute of it. I think you have nailed exactly how many of us have felt at one point or another. thank you.
Sure, just be sure to reference my name and website . Thanks! Zumba is awesome!
Lovely post. Inspiring and well written. We linked to it on our FB page so our gym members could see it. Shirlee’s Fitness Club for Women in Upland, CA .
Thanks for the encouragement Erica, we all need to hear that from time to time (and this coming from a girl 50 lbs overweight and just starting out at a new gym)!
This is so amazing this is how I felt to my 1st time
but omg it does get better
Bravo!!
I was at the gym the other day, doing my warm up on the treadmill waiting for my trainer to show up, when a very fit woman got on the treadmill in front of me and began stretching. I noticed her looking at me and I quickly looked down. At the end of my session with my trainer she was also in the stretching area and came up to talk to me. She said she admired me for showing up every day and working hard and knows what a struggle it is, but it’s worth it. She then shared her story with me and as of that morning she was down 132lbs! I’d like to send a thank you out to that lady, who took the time to come and speak to me. I went home with a smile on my face and made it to the gym the next day with that same smile. I only look half as good when I lose the 132lbs!
Wow…I have been the “new girl” so many times. Unfortunately, I have always let the embarrassment and shame get the better of me. This is really a beautiful post and brought a tiny tear to my eye. Thank you for this.
I came across this post from a link on Facebook this morning. So beautifully said! I was always thin to the point of looking sickly until I turned 40 and menopause was set in motion. One year ago, at the age of 56, I began my true journey with a change in my eating habits and lost 20 lbs. In June of 2013 I joined a fat loss kick start program offered by a local gym. I was very hesitant at first because 1) I was “the new girl at the gym” & 2) I was at least 10 years older than anyone else there. I have been blessed by the instructor and all the ladies that come to the classes. They are always amazingly helpful and encouraging.
I was the new girl who had her head down all the time. 15months on I have lost 6 stone and although my head still isn’t up as I have another 5 stone to lose . It is getting there. Your writing was such a lovely thing to read
I LOVE this. WE have all been there. And we all might be there again. We have to support each other. We have to put our Egos aside and do things that make us feel a bit weird…because the weird goes away and we surprise ourselves with how amazing we can be.
Love this.
I was that new girl, love this!
Okay. Am I the only one who cringed the whole freaking time reading this?
I really hate to say something negative, because I know, ultimately, this was meant to be a positive, motivational entry. But seriously? This is so wrong. Why should this new girl give a second thought as to what anyone else is thinking about HER being at the gym? Why can’t a person just go to the gym for his/herself? Why does she need anymore encouragement then you or anyone else does? Is she larger?
What makes you think she is looking around embarrassed? What if she is checking out what machine she is doing next? What if she has a friend she is looking for? We can play the what is this girl, who you ASSUME has never been on a machine in her life, thinking. Maybe she is scared because you staring at her with a day dreamy face (wondering about the bags of candy she consumed to put her in the gym??) and every time she feels your eyes on her she wonders if you are going to follow her out to the parking lot? Oh crap, she caught your eyes again and you are sitting there starring at her in the gym, rather than working out and yep … you just smiled…. definitely following her out to the parking lot. Why is she looking around now? Because she has to make an escape when you aren’t looking.
Maybe you should focus on your own workout.
This girl could be 40lbs down from 3 months ago when she started going to the gym. She could be there at a different time than usual and taking her time, because yesterday was leg day. OR It could be her very first time, and she could be damn proud of it or hating every minute of it. But she doesn’t need anyones pity, day dreamy stories of what her life is really like, or a complete stranger’s validation because this girl got herself to the gym on her own gumption.
Again … sorry for my harsh tone, I know you are coming from a good place. It just drives me crazy when people can’t just mind their own business. Sure if she was your friend and you knew the struggles and strives she was making it would be great to let her know you are proud. But every new gym member isn’t some poor feeble soul who needs you to protect them with smiles, because you assume, given their beginner status that people are going to go out of their way to be mean to them. To me that is just as bad.
In response to RawRaw. It is wonderful that you do not feel uncomfortable in new situations, however most people do- especially in an environment where some have mastered machines, know where things are, routines etc. Women have body image issues, especially with media pressure. This article is right on, and can gently support many people. If is not for you, that is fine ~ however step back and try to experience empathy for those that may need this urging, who have perhaps been criticized endlessly by family or spouse on weight or looks. It is more prevalent an issue than you may be aware of for many.
I have been the person you descried. I had been for most of my life. That’s why my response was what it was.
I’ve experienced every type of criticism that you described above. That is why it frustrates me when people form opinions of what I do or do not do in the gym. Good or bad. For the first time in my life, I am going to the gym 4 to 6 days a week, I’m busting my butt I am doing it for me. When I say it’s the first time in my life I want to be clear that it’s the first time in my life that I’m doing it for me. And because it’s the first time I’m doing it for me- it is also the first time I’m successful and enjoying it. This article frustrated me so much because there will be times that I’m running/busting my butt and because I’m larger someone will come up to me in complete and utter shock and mention how amazing it is that my body can do what it does then congratulate me. Again, I know when people do things like this it’s from a good place, so I don’t say or do anything but politely smile. But I’ve been working long and hard to get to the point that I’m at. I go to Zumba class with a good friend of mine. This is one day of the week- the only day of the week that she works out. And before she began doing Zumba class with me she didn’t work out at all. The thing about my friend is that she is naturally slim. She struggles through the class and can’t keep up with me. One of these classes with my friend a woman came up to me and told me how amazed she was with me and shocked that I was doing that and then another class and congratulated me. Again, I know that this is from a good place and she means well but it frustrates me that given my appearance someone assumes that I haven’t been working out my whole life and I need encouragement. Why wasn’t my beginner friend given that same encouragement? Likely the media pressures you mentioned? I think that as long as we think our opinions of someone else’s body or image should matter to that person, or as long as we worry more about how someone else might feel about our body/image – that those insecurities will be a constant issue. The moment we begin focusing on ourselves and not others in terms of body image, the sooner we can demolish a society driven image and become happier with our own image. Hope this makes my point clearer.
YES!!! Thank you, RawRaw, I thought many of the same things while reading.
It’s a lovely sentiment, but I cringed throughout the piece, too. The whole perspective of the article — while supportive — does reinforce the division between new/veteran, beginning / mid-journey, outsider/insider in terms of fitness and health, and that chafed. Also, anyone speaking on behalf of any general group of people towards another is distracting (imho). I don’t know what anyone else is thinking when I go to the gym; I only know what I’m thinking, what is said to me, and what I observe. I’ve been in so many different places throughout my life in terms of fitness and commitment, and my perspective shifts over time as well. There are times when I think I’m rocking it out, and times when I look back and think differently. There have definitely been times where the little voice in my head tries to tear me down, separate me from the other gymgoers (or, at particularly vicious times, tries to find someone else in the gym who is in similar shape to me so that I can feel ok, knowing I’m not the newest/least-conditioned/most uncomfortable person in the room. ugh.). And there have been times where I’ve been so focused on my own workout that I couldn’t even tell you whether it was crowded or not. And times when I wanted to see and work out with other people, and lost focus on my own workout and didn’t work very hard. And of course, times when my mind wandered and I people-watched. From the comments, it’s clear that lots of people are finding this warm and inspirational — and I have no desire to pee on the fire. But speaking for myself, I don’t want to be seen as a newbie who is a potential veteran; someone who is starting on some magical journey where someone else sees themselves as a seasoned traveller. I don’t need a status, and I’d rather not be in a gym where people see themselves that way. I want to be seen as just another person, not measured by my fitness level or comfort level or weight or looks or outfit. Just another person, who’s welcomed for her interest and energy in joining in an activity enjoyed by the other participants. Judge me if I forget to wipe down the machine, or if I’m an ass. But don’t presume to know about my own goals or status.
THANK YOU for posting this. I am sitting here crying because it hits so close to home. I have shame, and doubt as well and this was very inspiring. I have been there and am there again.. I lost little more than 70 lbs a few years ago, went through a lot of downs, divorce etc but it wasn’t until I sustained a back injury at work that eventually ended up requiring surgery. Over the span of a year I gained it ALL back. I got really depressed being bed ridden for quit some time and I stopped caring about what I was eating. Now that I am able to try to start getting back into it and trying to find the motivation to begin again, its so hard. Starting that routine, sticking with it, eating right is all so overwhelming. I am so embarrassed when ppl see me and when I am at the Gym it has kept me from going. I wanted to go back to what I did before to lose the weight but its humiliating. I have bought yet another membership to a gym and bought one for my younger daughters so they can go with me, not just for the company but thinking maybe it will take some of the focus off of me. Reading this has encouraged me and I feel more motivated than i have been. Thank you again!
Erica, with only a few small modifications, e.g., having a baby, your article “Dear New Girl at the Gym” definitely applies to men, as well. It is quite uncomfortable trying to work out next to the young hard bodies when you are a 70 year old, 30 pound overweight man with bad knees. Unfortunately, it always reminds me of what I can’t do anymore. I know I need to focus on what I can do, but I don’t.
Awesome post. Its really good to read, as I’ve not worked out in a while and am nervous in my new gym. This gives me a bit more confidence!
Beautiful article. Thank you for sharing.
So beautiful Erica. You said it just right, I even teared up reading about the pan of brownies, and not just because I’m hungry. I have little boys too (3 of them) and I remember the time when I couldn’t walk around the B-ball or run up the stairs for 15 minutes without them running an entire roll of TP around themselves to become Egyptian Mummies, or paint red food coloring on themselves, or make a concoction out of Jell-O powder and hand soap. Things are calmer now that they are older, but man I remember when exercise was just a laugh and a memory. Love your words, keep them coming.
I have been “that girl”. And the day I finally got enough courage to go to the gym, I had one person who worked there tell me I was in the position I was in because I was lazy. Then as I proceeded to walk on treadmill, I had two ladies beside me start to laugh and make jokes about me breaking equipment. I weigh a little over 200 lbs. And this has scarred me so badly I will never go again. I let the power of words defeat my soul. I only wish there were more people like you.
Maybe in some gyms the judgement is not there, but in a certain Canadaian chain that claims to want you to have a “good life” this is not the case. At least not in my recent experience. I will not be going back soon. The post is very nice and probably inspiring for a great many people. Bravo! Unfortunately when you feel as deceated as I do I am not sure what will help.
Unfortunately, this didn’t ring true for me. I remember getting on the elliptical and putting my weight in for the calorie counter and having the two ladies next to me gasp and loudly whisper to each other that they would never admit it if they weighed that much when they thought I couldn’t hear them through my headphones. Luckily for me my husband was also there and made a comment back to them about the ugliness of their souls but not all women are out to support each other.
This was so me a year ago and sometimes it’s me now….Erica I love to post this on my gyms homepage with your permission of course?
Sure, just be sure to reference my name and website . Thanks! What is your gym homepage?
I saw this on a friend’s facebook post and HAD to share it with my sister-in-law, whom I’m incredibly proud of. She’s lost over 150lbs in about a year. She has her own fb group and has inspired many to eat clean, and to remember that just one time around the block is still one block ahead of the couch potato and that one block will turn into two and then four and then carrying cans of soup, then maybe and trying a zumba class or spinning and it all leads to being their better selves. She LOVED it! Said she bawled. And she shared it with her group (I’m a member but currently very pregnant, so I’m not exactly working out right now 😉 ). Thank you so much for your post. I have been the new girl more times than I care to count. The ‘new girl’ feeling gets to me after awhile and I quit, vow to work on my own at home, I don’t, so I go back. I did find a wonderful zumba group finally but had to quit going in the dead heat of summer while I was newly pregnant and rather yucky. I can’t wait to go back! Thank you for your words of reassurance!
Hello Diana,
Does your sister-in-law accept new people into her group? I would love to join a FB group where I can communicate with others who are on the same journey.
Someone said this was a simple piece but true. I must say , nothing about this post is simple..it was heart-felt by what I feel must
be one amazing human being. I have been fighting my weight for years and have had those feelings at gyms and even
at curves for women. I want to diet every season of biggest loser and never do..but you inspired me, not so much to go to
a gym, but to invest in myself and my health. Thank you for such a awesome warm loving post. I honestly feel that this
should be on the wall of every gym/work out place in america. Very Inspirational!!
Ladies, whatever you do, please listen to what she has to say, and Jack, it does apply to the guys too. I’m a Navy veteran who had gone so long without working out that I couldn’t do 10 pushups! I’m not even on my 40s yet. But I stuck to it and realized that I gained respect in my diligence. Now I’m pretty close to being able to do one arms. That said, remember what you’re there for, if you have to hide away to get it done, do it, just get it done. Just respect the process, the proceed is beautiful and so are you!
Hello Erica,
Someone posted this on FB and I have to tell you, it nearly brought me to tears. I am just now taking the first wobbly steps onto my path to losing over 100 pounds. My dr. has put restrictions on the type of workouts I can do until I strengthen my core, such as dancing, yoga, etc. because I injured my back and had surgery 8 years ago. Today, I have an apt with a trainer to help me determine what I CAN do, instead of what I CAN’T do. I experience all the same feelings you describe in your post when I go to the gym. I always feel like I should be able to do what the people around me are doing, and because I try so hard to keep up, I end up injuring myself, and thus unable to work out, perpetuating the cycle of poor health. Your message came to me at exactly the right time, on exactly the right day, and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting it. I am going to print it out and keep it on my fridge, to remind myself every day to “come back”, because it will be worth it.
I am just starting my weightloss journey. I can’t afford top go to the gym, but that is ok, I would rather work out outside anyway. This really just gave me the kick in the butt that I needed to get started.
Saw this on a friend’s Facebook and so glad I stopped to read it! I’m an on again off again gymer and it seems every time I make my way back something has changed and I’m inevitably embarrassed by my own ignorance! In many ways it can feel like the first day of middle school all over again! It’s nice to know that seemingly perfect workout queen I think is staring at me in disgust may actually be thinking “hey, good for you!” As women we can be so hard on ourselves and sadly our sisterhood is often there to give us that extra shove! It’s nice to read something like this and realize there are still women out there who actually care! Thank you for sharing! You’ve motivated me to dust off that membership I’ve been paying for and give it another try!
Wow – what a truly inspiring message!
I was the new girl 5 years ago. I was 40 lbs heavier, down on myself, and my overall health was a mess. I am so thankful for all of the encouragement I have received and even the judgement and adversity I have faced that made me want to change even more. Everyone deserves to feel good about themselves and to be happy and healthy. This post brought tears to my eyes and I have shared it with everyone I know who is just beginning their journey. Thank you for this and thank you for being a light of encouragement.
This is such a great post. You also need to remember that even those skinny girls who go to the gym may not be fit either and might be just as insecure. I’m still losing weight. I’ve lost 110 and still have about 30 to go, and when I go to an exercise class, I look around and see some really skinny girls in the class and I too feel like I may be judged, but then as we’re doing the exercises, I can see that some of them can’t do them all and look at me then as if I might be judging them (which I most certainly am not). I just think that the insecurity can come from all angles. I think that the people that go to the gym in January have good intentions of trying to get fit, but the ones who are still there by March, I am so proud of!
This is so true! At our gym I hear every single day “I know I need to do something”. We embrace all women that come into our gym. We tell them from the start, we are all here trying to get healthy, nobody is judging you here. We all have our own issues to deal with. Excellent article!
Love this. Its good to be reminded of how hellishly awkward the first few gym visits were, how ridiculously self-conscious one feels stepping on new equipment for the first time. Its even better to be shown that you aren’t the only one feeling that way, and truly most people aren’t judging you.
Never heard this perspective before and thank you for bringing it to light.
I think know matter what stage of fitness we are out this person is us. There will always be someone better, prettier or thinner. I am physically fit, I have ran 2 marathons and 5 halfs. But when I stop to walk I feel all eyes on me. I am thin but the girl next to me thinner or prettier. It is truly a never-ending battle within ourselves. For the girls who want to quick don’t:) keep it up. I will be there right with you:)
Erica, this is a perspective too rarely shared.
As someone who has experienced it firsthand and now speaks to people every day who are experiencing it, this needs to be repeated and shared.
At the end of the day, it’s on every person to be their own biggest cheerleader, and to ignore naysayers who aren’t doing the work for them. But to be clear – there are LOTS of us cheering on these warriors!
My boss read this at our staff meeting tonight. I work at a gym. It was amazing and inspiring.
After having my son my weight has sky-rocketed and though I’m fairly comfortable working out I feel like I’m constantly starting over after a night of bad eating, or a lazy gym week.
I will read this and continue to push myself to be better each day.
This couldn’t have come into my life at a better time.
Thank you Erica.
This brought tears to my eyes. I wish every newcomer to the gym realized this. We love you, and respect you, because we once were you. Thank you so much for this wonderful post
This has motivated me a little. I have the same fears of the gym. Unfortunately I waste my membership to the gym. I pay $150 for a month starting January 2014. I have only been there twice. I blame it on the weather, having no gas in the car, being sick when I’m just feeling tired. I am so terrified of walking through the door that I can’t bring myself to go. (which is another excuse). I have all the time in the world to go to the gym, because I’m a stay at home Mom and I have a family membership so that I can take my kids. I tell myself I will start going as soon as the weather is warmer. I was motivated to quit smoking in 2012, but I think I did it out of laziness, Too lazy to go outside in the cold to smoke. Lucky for me I quit no matter how I did it. It also took a lot of willpower. I’m crippling my body, my back pain is so bad that after shovelling my front step it is already in severe pain. I wake up in the night because of back pain. I have hip pain when I walk for a few minutes and I am so out of breath just walking up stairs. I think I may cause myself a heart attack at 37 yrs old. If only I could get over the fear of my appearance. I only fit into one pair of jeans now and I have a couple of shirts that still fit. I hate wearing tight gym attire. I went to yoga class, it was soo hard to do. first I hated looking at myself in the mirror and second I couldn’t perform some of the moves because my belly was in the way. I will do this. I must do this. I wish there was a pill for courage, motivation and self esteem. I need to lose 100lbs, just acknowledging that amount is depressing. This is the day I promise to get up and get moving. Thank you to my friend for sharing this so that I could read it and hopefully get the motivation for me to get out today. Maybe i will start a FB group too to help anyone get tips or give me tips.
[…] read more from Erica Millard – Young Adult Fiction Author < Click Here […]
Excellent article. As a fitness club owner for over 38 years you have put on paper what we as professionals have in the back of our minds all the time. With your permission I would like to share with our newer members at their consultation so that people will realize that you don’t have to get in shape before you join a fitness center. We have the professionals to help them on there fitness quest.
Great job!!!
Sure, just be sure to reference my name and website . Whatever it takes to help them stick to their fitness goals!
Erica – and all the others on here who agree with this wonderful blog – you’d do those of us who ARE the “New Girl at the Gym” a big favor if you’d just walk over and say “welcome, first time here? I know what you’re feeling. Can I help with anything?” Because it IS intimidating, especially if you’re an introvert like me, to walk in, as an overweight, out-of-shape 40something and see the 20something and 30something gym bunnies in their color-coordinated running outfits, ponytails bobbing, running for miles on the treadmill or lifting weights like their next stop is Rio in 2016. Their heads swivel as we walk over and try to figure out the buttons on the treadmill without anybody offering so much as a “Hi.” And for the person who mentioned the yoga class – I dropped out of my yoga class because the instructors kept reminding us that they “couldn’t do it wrong” and we couldn’t do it right.
[…] especially when they relate to the gym and weight loss in general. I love this open letter to The New Girl At The Gym, because let’s face it, I think we’ve all felt like that. And I super-duper love this […]
I wonder if new people feel uncomfortable starting out at gyms because of the “game face” others tend to have there while they’re in the zone. I recently switched from Curves — a supportive, caring environment, but let’s face it, not a very INTENSE gym — to a another place because I needed the challenge. I put off this transition for a long time, scared the people would not be as supportive. At first, that seemed to be true. Everyone looked so SEVERE. Then I started to get in the groove myself and realized they were just in the exercise zone — feeling good, working hard, and not caring one whit about what the new girl looks like in spandex. It’s true, people — except for maybe a few special jerks you can blow off wholesale, nobody’s criticizing you, or even thinking about you … until after the workout, when you can smile and say hi and realize that they’re actually quite nice.
That made me feel great about being relatively new at my gym and not knowing anyone other than my trainer who I only see every couple of months. There is one girl there who always gives me a smile and she’s got an awesome heavy weight routine with her guy. Usually look for her and smile back, give her a thumbs up …guess she’s encouraging be in much the same as you just did Erica
I am fat. Very fat. But I go the gym. I get those looks and feel pity for those who give them to me because they will never understand what it is like to live with your demons on your body. I don’t care what the think, I am there for me .
It used to hurt but it only hurts if I let it. At least I am working on it!
Maria, you are beautiful!
Hi Erica,
This is great! I agree with Jessica Marie. This should be on the wall of every Gym! Our Board president sent it to me and I have shared it on our Facebook page (hope that’s OK)! Even though I have worked at a gym for 25 yrs…I am the new girl again. And I see so many of them every day. Thank you Erica for inspiring us all!
Dear New Girl at the Gym:
Please stop curling in the squat rack. I have to train my legs sometime today.
Thanks,
Me
Thanks, I’m the new girl at boot camp feeling like a weakling. Some of the others have been lovely saying I’ll get there. People like you and them are angels.
I definitely related with the entire thing – and all perspectives. One thing I haven’t heard mentioned is the high metabolism skinny chick who has never worked out – because she couldn’t. I weighed 97 pounds at 5’8″ and had no muscle mass. This lasted through the age of 26 when I had my daughter. (Highest body weight 114). My highest weight during pregnancy was 165 lbs. I LOVED IT! I felt healthy and vital!!
My entire family (female population of course) hated me – within two weeks I was back to my weight before pregnancy.
I wanted to feel healthy again – EVERYTHING is a matter of perspective. I was the chicken legged, pencil necked Olive Oyle trying to fit in.
I was not anorexic – nor bulimic – ate healthy (if you could call eating a whole pizza myself healthy) and not gain an ounce. I hid in the back of the Yoga class because I didn’t now the moves -(I am very flexible) but looked like an idiot. I could read a whole Reader’s Digest on the stationary bike – because I didn’t know how to adjust it to build muscle or stamina. Without trying to sound overly aggravated at the whole process – shouldn’t any facility (for safety purposes at the very least) offer more than one session with someone who knows what the heck they are doing? I couldn’t afford a personal trainer – and now do Zumba at home – I laugh at myself because I can’t get past the tutorials and butt rolls. When I can afford to go back to the gym guaranteed I will be that obnoxious person interrupting your work out to ask for help… I’m sorry – I had to chime in.
Just what I needed!!! I just turned 70 and have been kickboxing since October. I am a retired K-8 Art Teacher and was asked more than once by little ones if I was going to have a baby!! I am working hard and the place I attend has very supportive instructors and participants. It’s difficult and there are some exercises I can’t do but my instructors make accommodations for me.If only the weight would come off just a little faster. Thank you for posting this.
Thank you for this post. Someone had shared it on Facebook and I am teary this morning having read this. I am in my own journey to be my best self both inside and out. Fitness and weight gain have been a struggle for me since I was a child. I’m proud to say that I am doing a couch to 5k in preparation for a 5K mudrun in 6 weeks. Thank you for reminding me that it’s my own journey not to worry about others.
This is beautiful and although some people disagree im glad you wrote this because it touched so many people. We all feel like the new girl whatever are diffrent features are in many aspects of life and we need to learn to love ourself and help out other when we can. They’re a few people in the world and there always will be thoughs people who drive off of negativity and its sad how are minds will cling to thoughs negative things over the positive ones. A good things to remeber is that thoughs people are hurting thats why they hurt other they may not know it yet but they have healing to take care of thats why we judge. Alot of our judgement on other often reflect how we judge ourselfs. A good routine to do if others juding you are effecting your actions in life is to get a journal and write down all the good things people do or say to you weather it just acknoledgement of a hi or thanks you or a sincer compliment of words or action. When you do this and focus on the good thoughs negative things that people do and say don’t bother you as much your mind loses focus on the negative and starts focusing on the positive. When I feel someone is being negative weather with words or body language I eather compliment them on something or address the problem. I never know through body language if they are actually meaning to be negative so thats when I ussally will compliment someone. Word are more easy to address. Just realize the earth is a beautiful place with beautiful people don’t let thoughs cloud of negativity be your picture of the world alot of people like helping eachother.
Very nicely written! It so true that it is hard to go back, join, or otherwise try to get into shape. Feeling like others are judging makes the process so much harder
Take the friendly smile for what it is – I’m GLAD you’re here! Keep up the GOOD work! Let me know if I can help! We’ve all been there 
I just wanted to take a moment to tell you that this post truly touched me and I’ve linked to you from my blog so that others can read your post. There are so many of us that think people are watching us at the gym, fitness class, or even walking. Push through because many of us started where you are starting and we are very proud of you!
Denise
HowToStayFitOver50.com
[…] One of the folks in Coach Becky’s Challenge Group posted a link to a blog that truly touched me so I thought I would pass it on. It was an open letter to the new girl at the gym. The blog post was written by Erica Millard and you can read her post here – “Dear New Girl At The Gym.” […]
[…] New Girl at the Gym: Erica Millard offered some healthy advice and perspective in this essay for the “new girl at the gym.” Guys too have felt awkward and embarrassed, and can hold onto this: “You will wake up one day […]
O ya that me but my trainer Cindy boost that right out of me. She my glue that help me put my piece back together. She know what I’m going though. She the best. Thanks for putting this so awesome. Yep this crazy Cajun is very touch by this.
[…] We recently posted a blog entry titled “to the new girl at the gym” […]
After a month of the treadmill I took my first class and couldn’t go up a flight of stairs for a week. I too have eaten enough sugar in one sitting to put most normal peole into a diabetic coma.
But that was then. Now I am the girl smiling back at you and hoping you “make it” too.
Thank you…just thank you SO much for this article.
Hi Erica,
This is just awesome stuff! I wonder if the reason you got such a huge reaction with this post is because you hit on something that affects ALL of us: SHAME. It sounds like such a harsh word but in reality, unless we come to terms with the fact and accept that we all have flaws and failings, no amount of weight loss, beauty treatments (or even positive encouragement from others) can fill that huge emptiness inside. From my experience in the medical profession as a doctor, speaker and health coach, I have found that the most successful way to get healthy and lose weight is to work on changing our thinking first of all. Once we learn to silence that inner critic and accept that we are worthy, there is a whole new level of motivation that is love-based, not fear-based (and love is a WAY better motivator than fear!). We all have something important to contribute no matter how strongly we feel like we don’t “have it all together”. If we could just stop comparing ourselves to other people we’d be so much happier. As a friend of mine likes to remind me, “Normal is a setting on the washing machine”. We all need to do what works for us and only listen to the opinions of those who matter to us and love us.
Whatever you call it, shame, feeling inadequate or unworthy, feeling “I don’t have it all together”, really affects us in almost every area of life. Brene’ Brown explains it brilliantly in her books and on TED TV. I’d love to hear your thoughts or even another post down that line when you get a chance. I think it could be life-changing!
who cares what others think? fk em
I needed this. Thank you.
I love this! I am actually not the “new girl” and I have been working out for years, and always been in good shape. However, after getting off my birth control nearly a year ago, and my subsequent 20 lb weight gain and PCOS diagnosis, I have never felt more self-conscious in my life. I eat an extremely healthy diet, as confirmed by a nutritionist, and work out several times per week. But the PCOS is making it impossible to get the weight off, and I always feel like people are looking at me like I’m not trying hard enough. I definitely needed this today.
I was so glad to read this. As someone who has recently (within the past month) started going regularly to the gym this is truly motivational to me. I am always hesitant to try new things because i’m ashamed of what people think of me. I have mostly been going to simply walk/run around the indoor track but have been contemplating going into the weight room and trying stuff in there. Thank you for this!!!!
This is a beautiful! I have been considering joining the gym. A new place opened really close to my house. But I haven’t figured out how to work it into the schedule. And in the back of mind there is always that insecurity. I don’t want to make eye contact. I don’t want to think about how I look to everyone else. I feel not only big, but also awkward. I don’t know how to adjust machines properly.. And I’m sure I look like a fish out of water. But this article is very encouraging.
This… is something I’m trying to overcome myself. I want to get in shape, because I haven’t done real physical activity since the tenth grade (10 years ago!) and while I’m not overweight (in my mind, at least) I know I am not healthy since I get wheezy walking up hill. But I lack self-confidence and self-esteem so much that I can’t bring myself to go to a gym. I’m too scared. I want to be brave, but I don’t know how to be :/
This article gives me a lot of inspiration. I joined a gym as my new year resolution and it took me half a months worth of courage to finally enter the gym, I was so self conscious of what people might think of me or even look at me funny. I was so nervous what other people would think of me. I’m short and weighed 185lbs when I started (currently 169lbs). I’m finally starting to get over that fear a little since I have been going and mostly just concentrate on myself and try not to even think or look at what other people are doing or if they are even looking at me anymore. Every day I feel a little better about going. They offer free Zumba classes at my gym and I always want to go… but then that fear kicks in again that other people will be watching me and I know I won’t be able to keep up with everyone else, and my coordination is really bad. Maybe one day I will have the courage to go just like I finally got to courage to step foot in the gym.
I happen to be fairly lucky in that I am in good shape and always have been. I could still stand to shed about 20lbs. I felt my best at that weight and would like to get back to it. That is not what I wanted to post about though… There is shaming in various environments, but fortunately there are people who don’t put up with it either! Myself and several friends have all put people in their places when presented with shaming behaviors. One incident I recall was a long time ago and I had a new ‘friend’ in the car with me as we passed a heavier gal jogging on the side of the road. He hollered out the window something about “We don’t want to see that! Go home!” Mistake on his part. By the time the gal had caught up with where I had slammed on the brakes and pulled over, I am sure she could hear the credible drill instructor impersonation I was doing, laying into this guy. Long story short he was given the choice to apologize to her sincerely enough that she accepted or he was going to walk the rest of the way… Surprisingly he and I are still in contact and for my part I was rewarded with a grateful smile from someone on her journey! Who knows… she may be in better shape than me now!
I’m overweight and have a new baby at home. I’d love to go to the gym Instead of just using my living room where I can’t/shouldn’t. jump etc (bothers the neighbors) but i also have no means to get to the gym, and no one to watch baby if I do go.. anyway back to me loving the gym. like I said I’m overweight. but i like to find that super fit girl who’s running fast of lifting. it’s so motivating. I avoid using machines near other “fat girls” No competition there.. :p crazy I know.
This article brought tears to my eyes. So many times I have gone to the gym and felt that way and have not gone back. It’s nice to read something like this and know that other people feel the same, and that people around you aren’t always judging.
No words ~ wiping away tears. Beautiful!
I loved this blog post so much. I just started at a fitness center that is very popular and very intense. I’m not overweight at all, I actually have the opposite problem. I am 5’8” and 107 lbs; I have a naturally very high metabolism and I have to take a medication that has a side effect of spiking my metabolism. That means that it is really, really hard for me to gain weight. I am just starting out at the gym with weight lifting and I totally feel like I being judged by other people because I’m so small and not muscular at all! I think that just goes to show that big or small, thin or muscular, we all have self esteem issues and we all worry about what other people are thinking. I know that maybe this post isn’t meant for me, but I’d like to think that the really fit people who see me, a stick thin person, don’t judge me for being so thin and muscle-less. I’d like to think that they are impressed that I am making the effort to get out of my comfort zone and make a healthy change in my life.
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[…] I was thinking about this, I came across this article “Dear New Girl at the Gym.” It is perfect. I completely agree with what she says. Read this […]
Would you mind if I post this on my blog which is fitness related. I have a particular interest in fitness for seniors and those just starting out. I’m sure this post would be of interest to my readers. You would be given full accreditation and I would link to your blog.
Hi Jennifer,
Sure, you can use in on your blog. Just be sure to credit me and link it back to my website.
Thanks!
Erica
Thank you so much for writing this. I need this. So much. I didn’t even realize how much I needed the extra reassurance that what I’m doing is just as important to me. Thank you for voicing this. I know in my heart I’m there for me and not anyone else, but I am a fat girl. And when I’m sweating, smelling, red faced with sweat marks everywhere I feel not defeated but triumphant. But this, this warmed my soul. Thank you for writing this.
-a fat girl at the gym