







The year? 1998 (I’m not actually sure). Ninth grade (I think). My team made it to the state championships in soccer, and we drove 4 hours to the tournament. It was cold that weekend, so cold we wore hoodies under our jerseys, gloves to push back the bitter wind, and wrapped in blankets to stay warm when we weren’t playing.
And that is exactly what I wasn’t doing: playing. Because I sucked. I was sitting on the bench, while the coach kept sending other players on and off the field. I knew I wasn’t the best player on the team, but it was at that moment I realized how bad I really sucked. I literally had nothing to contribute to my team. Girls so exhausted they couldn’t run anymore were better than me.
I cried.
My friend Necia asked about my tears, and I told her it was just the wind, but she figured out what was wrong and actually confronted my coach. I was embarrassed, mortified, but I loved her for it. The coach put me in, and a few minutes later took me out. The beginning and end to my playing at that state championship.
We lost.
But the pain of losing was nothing compared to the pain of realizing I sucked.
Two years previous, a form had come around school for anyone interested in soccer. I’d never played, but I was interested and I convinced my best friend to be interested as well. I showed up at practice, and… I loved it. I loved everything about it. I loved the kicking, the team, the sound of the ball hitting the net, and even the feeling of pushing my body so hard that I almost couldn’t walk afterward. I didn’t play soccer because I thought it would be easy or because it would make me cooler. I played it because I loved it.
But evidently I sucked. I mean, I must have known I sucked, but I didn’t know I sucked THAT BAD.
We came home from state, defeated, and the season was over.
I never told anyone about that day, not my parents, no one. I don’t think anyone else on my team, except Necia, noticed. But what did I do the next season when the forms came around to sign up for soccer?
I signed up.
Because I loved to play, and I wasn’t going to let the fact that I sucked stop me from doing what I really loved to do. As an adult looking back, I am proud of that teenager that realized she sucked at something, and wasn’t going to let it stop her from doing something she loved.
And you know what happened? I got better. I played every season (two a year) until I graduated high school. By the end, I was a team captain and one of the leading scorers on the team. Did I turn into Mia Hamm? No. Was that my goal? No. Are my memories from soccer some of the best I have from high school? Yes. Was it worth all that pain of knowing I was the worst, but keep going. You bet!
Now, I have to remind myself that on occasion there are things that I love that I really suck at. I mean really suck, like the coach-avoids-my-gaze-because-he-knows-he-will- never-put-me-in sucks. Can I cry that I suck at something I love and want to be really good at it? Yes. But that doesn’t mean I have to quit. I am convinced that it will get better, that I will get better, even if I never turn into Mia Hamm.
This post is brought to you by my best friend’s mom, Mrs. Briggs, who shuttled me to and from pretty much every single soccer practice and game until I was old enough to drive. You’ll probably never read this, but thank you. It meant so much to me.



I’m so glad you convinced me to sign up that day. I had so much fun playing and learning how to be a team. For the record my only memories of you playing are of how awesome you were. You’re still amazing. (Didn’t know you kept a blog till now) loves! -J
I loved this post Erica! Being uber-talented and having a lot of natural ability is great. But being resilient and a hard worker and going for something you love even if it’s hard — that is AWESOME! This is something I really want my girls to learn. One of them already has a lot of stick-to-it-iveness, but the other two could use some work.
Erica thanks for the trip down memory lane! I feel the same way about soccer (and a few other sport I played) althought I don’t remember thinking ofbyou as the bench warmer! I love your statement of why we play. And not because we were trying to become Mia Hamm although I did have her poster up in my room.
I’m sure all of SF cougars would say that we had the best team mostly because of our awesome teammates and nothing to do with our skill
I hope my kids find something they are willing to be bad at and then work hard to get good at.
You never sucked. You worked hard and you had fun that is what it is about.
Such a great post and definitely a good reminder for me
This is such a refreshing post. I’m from an older generation, when we taught to just keep on trying. I don’t see that much any more. You are close to my daughter’s age…I certainly raised my kids to hang in there, so glad you did, too.